The people of Aotea Square

I love to photograph people just being people. I love catching them doing their thing, completely unaware of the camera.

Kirby's are the business

This happened a while ago and I wrote it that afternoon, decided to post it here:

I thought I was gonna get raped in my own house today. It was pretty damned scary. I had an in-home Kirby demonstration, of course I wasn't gonna buy one (must wait for winning lotto ticket to fall in lap first) but they were offering a free room clean and shake and vac if you got the demonstration. Bring it on!

WELL!! I didn't realise it would take the WHOLE afternoon. They arrived shortly after 1pm and left just before 4pm. The guy was as thick as pigshit and terribly scary, but at least he's working rather than selling P to high school kids right? Anyway he comes in and goes through his speel - I felt for him because he was obviously nervous. He did an incredibly bad job and his english was atrocious but I got the free room clean and bloody hell, these things are fucking amazing! If you have a spare $4,000 I would recommend buying one. They are great! I'd just vacummed this morning and the magic Kirby made it look like I hadn't vacummed in years, if ever. I even vacummed yesterday as well. He did some demonstrations with my machine and the magic Kirby and boy oh boy - mine SUCKS! It reallly does, but not in the way you want a vacume cleaner to.

The thick guy was odd and I was really uncomfortable the whole time. Kept making a show of calling people every now and then so he would know that people care about me and he wont get away with it! I put off feeding Caelan for an hour and a half but when he trying to eat my boobs through my clothing and Dimwit wasn't showing any signs of leaving I thought I'd better just feed him. Of course I didn't wanna get my tits out infront of him so I told him I had to go upstairs to feed Caelan. Had horrid thoughts of him coming in or hiding outside my door wanking over my boobs! Nice thoughts when one is feeding one's baby. When I went back down he'd fiiiiinally finished and was packing up, I'll have to note here - don't you HATE it how service men or people like this can't leave a house in the state they find it in?!?! Hate it! He didn't put the rugs back or the footstool so I was doing this when he finished and sat down on my couch. I didn't know what to do. He then asked when my husband finished work. "Anytime" I told him, "Usually just after 4pm" after a quick look at the time. He then got up and looked at our wedding photos and asked me to write down the name of the beach we got married at. Weird.

I went upstairs to get my mobile just in case and when I got down he was sitting on the couch again reading a magazine. Alrighty then! This is when I called Tanya and had small-talk about what was happening for my birthday tomorrow. What the fuck?! He then went into the bathroom and was there FOR EVER. I had horrible thoughts about him wanking in there. I don't know what it is with me and my horrible thoughts about people wanking but I do have them, and no they don't turn me on - they terrify me! Perhaps it has something to do with moving in with Merve the Perve and finding him wanking naked outside my bedroom door after only 6 hours of living there? More small talk on the phone, wondering what the hell Dimwit was doing and then there was a knock on the door. It was another Kirby guy to collect Freaky Dimwit and magic Kirby. Freaky Dimwit was in the bathroom for ages longer, the other guy stood at the door and I sat at my table. We were both obviously uncomfortable and wondering what the hell Freaky Dimwit was doing. He then emerges and I did the "Thanks very much, I'm really impressed and will definitely get one. We're just not in a position to at the moment with a newborn baby and one income. Thank you so much though and it was great to learn about this wonderful machine" deal, and Freaky Dimwit puts out his hand. I wanted to scream and say that I wasn't touching THAT and I knew what he'd been doing!

They left and that was the end of my weird scary in-home Kirby demonstration. The moral of the story - Kirby's are way cool and don't let weird men offering free shake and vac into your home. Incidentally, they didn't give me the damned shake and vac! Bastards.

Click here to book your in-home Kirby demonstration now!

I'm a saint

Well of course I'm not actually a saint but I do think I'm a good person - well I try anyway! I think of others, I try not to hurt others and I think of others. I know I've said that, but I don't think you understand - I really think of others, when talking and doing anything I'm constantly thinking of how it may make others feel. I try word everything carefully so as not to offend or risk things being taken the wrong way. Well not ALWAYS but I do this most of the time, it's something that is part of me and I'm always aware of. Of course it doesn't always work!! Well you can't anticipate how others will interpret things, but I try my best in my way to avoid yuckness. I think this is a saintly quality. Of course I don't go to church or worship God (I don't even know what I believe as far as this is concerned - I believe there's a higher being, I don't know if I believe it's what most people think it is and what the bible says. I could really get into this and go on but I wont), I can't be a saint in that sense. I care for others - animals and people. I've been a volunteer counsellor for the Domestic Violence Crisisline and fuck that was hard - it was heartbreaking actually but I wanted to do it because these women and children needed my help. I've been a volunteer for the SPCA for years - loved it! Well I didn't love going in early on a Saturday morning after a hard night of "sinning" hehe, feeling ugh to be greeted by the sweet smell of cooked dog diarrhea - mmmmm nice. The concrete floors are heated and these dogs aren't used to being fed and suddenly they're getting food, this causes the most horrendous bum wees, which then sits on the heated concrete overnight to make the most vile smell (after lion shit! Which yes, I do know firsthand from when I worked for the circus, but that's anyother story!). Anyway I did this for three years because I knew it was making a difference to the dogs lives, they needed it. I know that someone who truely wants to help and make a difference does it without anyone knowing, without recognition for what they've done, that's a truly selfless act. Hardly anyone knew I did these things, it wasn't stuff I openly talked about or even just told anyone, people who'd known me for years would find out somehow and be shocked as they had no idea and thought they knew me really well. I did these things because I wanted to help the people and animals that need it most. That's pretty saintly isn't it? hehe See!!! I'm a saint! ;)

I'm a sinner

And the sinner in me chuckles! There's a list you wouldn't believe... This is an interesting one cause I don't think I'm a bad person. So I've sinned - haven't we all?! My misspent youth was an entire period of sins! I try not to hurt others that's gotta mean something right? Do I get through the pearly gates cause I consider others feelings? Or do I go to hell because I was me finding out who that really is? We've all made mistakes. We've all done things we're not proud of. So much of my past wouldn't be if I was given another go now. But it's what makes me me. I've sinned - I'm a sinner.

I'm a mother

What a hard time to do this one. But yep, Caelan is the most gorgeous, lovely, adorable four month old baby and I'm his mother. It's still a little odd to look at him and think 'I'm a mother'. I haven't changed, I thought I would change, but nope I'm just me, but now I'm a mother. I love him so much. It's hard though - motherhood truly is the hardest job one can undertake. It's hard emotionally, by fuck is it hard emotionally! The guilt is horrendous. Not knowing what's wrong is so tough. This morning has been a really hard morning. He certainly isn't a problem-free baby. Poor wee thing has had a rough introduction to this big, cold, scary place. Due to that there has been some crying, oh my lord there has been crying. I want to help him but I don't know what's wrong. You try everything you can think of and still there's the endless screaming. My heart breaks, I know it will continue to do this throughout his life. I will do my best to give him what he deserves - a world of opportunities and all the right tools to make the most of them and experience happiness, contentment and pride in who he is. I'm a mother.

I'm a child

God, now this could bring out a whole mountain of issues! There's a lot of pain associated with this one. It actually scares me a bit. Well it's obvious isn't it - I'm a child because I am here. This means I have a mother and a father. Some would question that. Fuck, I would question that. But regardless of what kind of parents I had I still had a mother and a father and I was still their child. I was still a child. Ooohhhh yeah scary shit. I was a child. Some parts of me feel like shouting it - I was a child! For fucks sake I was just a child! Feeling the issues starting to rise? Ick. There's a song, the first time I heard it I was sitting in the traffic in Spaghetti Junction, not moving. It was a summers afternoon, the sun was shining and it was yummy and warm. This always puts me in a good mood. I was happy and feeling good. Doing my usual checkin' out the other drivers to see if there was anything perve-worthy. I put on the CD I'd won a while ago as I hadn't even listened to it yet. Crawling along, havin a good ole sing-a-long when this song started. I didn't know it so I stopping singing and listened. Before I knew it I was bawling my heart out. Not just polite, girly tears - I was crying, heart-wrenching sobs. It really, really, really touched me and bought up a whole lotta crap. Here're the lyrics:

Daughters - John Mayer
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

My parents travelling down Queen Street in 1971 in their tractor-drawn wagon. Needless to say I didn't have a traditional up-bringing!

I'm a lover

I wanted to say "I'm a lover, not a fighter", but anyone that knows me knows it just aint true! I did kickboxing for godsake and it wasn't even just for fitness. I got in the ring and fought. I hurt people. Therefore, said phrase really doesn't apply. But I am a lover - I love my husband, I make love to my husband = lover. I love Caelan so much, he's an amazing little thing - hehe thing! That thing is my son, that's still weird - but we'll get into that one a bit later wont we? Yes. I'm so worried about him, I love him so much that I check him before I go to bed when I'm worried, I'm not a neurotic mother but my lord he's had his fair share of problems and this has scared me. Perhaps I would have been like this anyway. I have no way of knowing. But to open his door feeling scared and anxious when he's unwell and to hear his shakey breath brings the most overwhelming feeling of love = I'm a lover. I realise it wasn't originally written in that sense but hey I love therefore I am a lover. I love my family and friends, I don't see them much but they're always on my mind and in my heart, they mean so much to me = lover. I love Toa - he's the most gorgeous, funny, character-filled dog ever = lover. I think we've established that I'm a lover. And a fighter :)

I'm a bitch

Well lets just touch on this shall we? I am a bitch - I want to kill some people!!! This makes me a bitch. LOL Well not literally kill but you get what I mean. Some things just really, really piss me off = bitch. I get angry with my poor baby when he screams for too long, not angry WITH him but I feel anger, this isn't nice = bitch. When I'm stressed, I'm snappy with my awesome husband and feel like such a bitch when I am - he's the best husband in the whole wide world! I think I know better than others, lets be honest - I think I know BEST! LOL Oooohhhh that's hard to put out there in the world and for everyone to read and really know that I'm a bitch. Well it's all about being honest isn't it? We'll just leave it there now m-kay? I could go on and on and on and ooonnnnnn, but that just wouldn't be healthy and could cause suicide. I would need a sticker on me saying "Caution: Could cause suicide if looked into for too longer or too deeply". That doesn't make sense at all but I understand and I can't be arsed explaining because - I'm a bitch. LOL Isn't it ironic? A little too ironic.

Alanis hit the nail on the head

I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
I'm a child
I'm a mother
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint

That's me :)

What am I?

It's funny, I have such opposing thoughts, ideas and views on absolutely everything, it's hard to figure out who I am, what I like, what it is to be me. Perhaps everyone has this? Perhaps I'm just mad. LOL Perhaps that's just what this life thing is all about. I have no idea. I have no idea if anyone has any idea. I'm going to design my own template becuase it would be fucked if a graphic designer just used a standard template designed by someone else. But then there's the time. I hadn't started my blog because I hadn't the time to design my template yet. But it never happened. So I thought I'd pressure myself into it - if I start the blog then I'll have to MAKE the time to design the template. But of course whilst signing up for the blog and going through the standard templates available that the kind folk did for all of us either lazy or unknowledgeable folk I had such a hard time making a decision. Which one?!?! Oh god which template??? I wanted a white background because white is like your empty page or canvas or monitor that you start with before creating. Oh but ew I don't like that serif font! I want a sans serif font. Ok calm down it's only there as a temporary measure, until I've designed mine. Ok whew. But then, ooohhhhh but I like black, black really appeals to me. It's dark and mysterious, it's classy, it's sad, it's rich and it's poor. It just works for me. So uncheck the white radio button and reselect the black (yes I'd done this a few time already!). But then I think back to my original views on the blank page, canvas, screen. ARRGGGHHHHH! I want white - that's where it all begins. It's white. Shit but I so like black. Oh for fucks sake make a decision! So here I am not knowing what the hell I want or what it all means. I'm not happy with my decision but it just needed to be made.

I have been thinking long and hard about what the "theme" of my blog will be. Is it going to be a place for me to solve the problems of the world, to voice my opinions (if I actually really have any!), will it be somewhere for my graphic design to sit and show itself to the world and essentially get some freelance work, will I use it to nourish and feed my artistic desires and give myself the motivation and direction to get more into it, will I write and enjoy that? What is it? What am I? Why do I have such a hard time with decisions?