Monday, August 14, 2006

What am I?

It's funny, I have such opposing thoughts, ideas and views on absolutely everything, it's hard to figure out who I am, what I like, what it is to be me. Perhaps everyone has this? Perhaps I'm just mad. LOL Perhaps that's just what this life thing is all about. I have no idea. I have no idea if anyone has any idea. I'm going to design my own template becuase it would be fucked if a graphic designer just used a standard template designed by someone else. But then there's the time. I hadn't started my blog because I hadn't the time to design my template yet. But it never happened. So I thought I'd pressure myself into it - if I start the blog then I'll have to MAKE the time to design the template. But of course whilst signing up for the blog and going through the standard templates available that the kind folk did for all of us either lazy or unknowledgeable folk I had such a hard time making a decision. Which one?!?! Oh god which template??? I wanted a white background because white is like your empty page or canvas or monitor that you start with before creating. Oh but ew I don't like that serif font! I want a sans serif font. Ok calm down it's only there as a temporary measure, until I've designed mine. Ok whew. But then, ooohhhhh but I like black, black really appeals to me. It's dark and mysterious, it's classy, it's sad, it's rich and it's poor. It just works for me. So uncheck the white radio button and reselect the black (yes I'd done this a few time already!). But then I think back to my original views on the blank page, canvas, screen. ARRGGGHHHHH! I want white - that's where it all begins. It's white. Shit but I so like black. Oh for fucks sake make a decision! So here I am not knowing what the hell I want or what it all means. I'm not happy with my decision but it just needed to be made.

I have been thinking long and hard about what the "theme" of my blog will be. Is it going to be a place for me to solve the problems of the world, to voice my opinions (if I actually really have any!), will it be somewhere for my graphic design to sit and show itself to the world and essentially get some freelance work, will I use it to nourish and feed my artistic desires and give myself the motivation and direction to get more into it, will I write and enjoy that? What is it? What am I? Why do I have such a hard time with decisions?


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