Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I'm a mother

What a hard time to do this one. But yep, Caelan is the most gorgeous, lovely, adorable four month old baby and I'm his mother. It's still a little odd to look at him and think 'I'm a mother'. I haven't changed, I thought I would change, but nope I'm just me, but now I'm a mother. I love him so much. It's hard though - motherhood truly is the hardest job one can undertake. It's hard emotionally, by fuck is it hard emotionally! The guilt is horrendous. Not knowing what's wrong is so tough. This morning has been a really hard morning. He certainly isn't a problem-free baby. Poor wee thing has had a rough introduction to this big, cold, scary place. Due to that there has been some crying, oh my lord there has been crying. I want to help him but I don't know what's wrong. You try everything you can think of and still there's the endless screaming. My heart breaks, I know it will continue to do this throughout his life. I will do my best to give him what he deserves - a world of opportunities and all the right tools to make the most of them and experience happiness, contentment and pride in who he is. I'm a mother.


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