Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Kirby's are the business

This happened a while ago and I wrote it that afternoon, decided to post it here:

I thought I was gonna get raped in my own house today. It was pretty damned scary. I had an in-home Kirby demonstration, of course I wasn't gonna buy one (must wait for winning lotto ticket to fall in lap first) but they were offering a free room clean and shake and vac if you got the demonstration. Bring it on!

WELL!! I didn't realise it would take the WHOLE afternoon. They arrived shortly after 1pm and left just before 4pm. The guy was as thick as pigshit and terribly scary, but at least he's working rather than selling P to high school kids right? Anyway he comes in and goes through his speel - I felt for him because he was obviously nervous. He did an incredibly bad job and his english was atrocious but I got the free room clean and bloody hell, these things are fucking amazing! If you have a spare $4,000 I would recommend buying one. They are great! I'd just vacummed this morning and the magic Kirby made it look like I hadn't vacummed in years, if ever. I even vacummed yesterday as well. He did some demonstrations with my machine and the magic Kirby and boy oh boy - mine SUCKS! It reallly does, but not in the way you want a vacume cleaner to.

The thick guy was odd and I was really uncomfortable the whole time. Kept making a show of calling people every now and then so he would know that people care about me and he wont get away with it! I put off feeding Caelan for an hour and a half but when he trying to eat my boobs through my clothing and Dimwit wasn't showing any signs of leaving I thought I'd better just feed him. Of course I didn't wanna get my tits out infront of him so I told him I had to go upstairs to feed Caelan. Had horrid thoughts of him coming in or hiding outside my door wanking over my boobs! Nice thoughts when one is feeding one's baby. When I went back down he'd fiiiiinally finished and was packing up, I'll have to note here - don't you HATE it how service men or people like this can't leave a house in the state they find it in?!?! Hate it! He didn't put the rugs back or the footstool so I was doing this when he finished and sat down on my couch. I didn't know what to do. He then asked when my husband finished work. "Anytime" I told him, "Usually just after 4pm" after a quick look at the time. He then got up and looked at our wedding photos and asked me to write down the name of the beach we got married at. Weird.

I went upstairs to get my mobile just in case and when I got down he was sitting on the couch again reading a magazine. Alrighty then! This is when I called Tanya and had small-talk about what was happening for my birthday tomorrow. What the fuck?! He then went into the bathroom and was there FOR EVER. I had horrible thoughts about him wanking in there. I don't know what it is with me and my horrible thoughts about people wanking but I do have them, and no they don't turn me on - they terrify me! Perhaps it has something to do with moving in with Merve the Perve and finding him wanking naked outside my bedroom door after only 6 hours of living there? More small talk on the phone, wondering what the hell Dimwit was doing and then there was a knock on the door. It was another Kirby guy to collect Freaky Dimwit and magic Kirby. Freaky Dimwit was in the bathroom for ages longer, the other guy stood at the door and I sat at my table. We were both obviously uncomfortable and wondering what the hell Freaky Dimwit was doing. He then emerges and I did the "Thanks very much, I'm really impressed and will definitely get one. We're just not in a position to at the moment with a newborn baby and one income. Thank you so much though and it was great to learn about this wonderful machine" deal, and Freaky Dimwit puts out his hand. I wanted to scream and say that I wasn't touching THAT and I knew what he'd been doing!

They left and that was the end of my weird scary in-home Kirby demonstration. The moral of the story - Kirby's are way cool and don't let weird men offering free shake and vac into your home. Incidentally, they didn't give me the damned shake and vac! Bastards.

Click here to book your in-home Kirby demonstration now!


Anonymous CJ said...

LMAO! Reminds me of the time Aidan & Jenny invited me around for dinner the same night they had some dude coming to do the Kirby demo. This dude was a weirdo too. Drove up in a mini which we later had to help him push start.

I was pretty pissed off that he'd invited this dude to do a demo when we were meant to be catching up.

He did go ahead and buy one tho. So maybe you can borrow his. Or not...

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I get creepy thoughts like that too... especially about creepy people. I have wood floors so a Kirby wouldn't do me any

12:49 AM  
Blogger Saffron said...

Just as well you have wooden floors - no chance of freaky people coming into your home under the pretense of demonstrating Kirby's then!

10:17 AM  

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